i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
