well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
