bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
