OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
