GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everclear isn't food dammit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
