I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
