i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
