Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
