absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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