Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
