remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
