big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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