Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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