This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
