I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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