this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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