before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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