i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
