the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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