So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize