Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
