Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
