why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
