About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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