I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
