I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
