I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
