I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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