You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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