It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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