We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
