I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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