so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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