shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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