Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
