my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
