I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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