I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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