i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
