I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
