Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
