i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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