You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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