OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just threw up on my dentist
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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