just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
