yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
