Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
