I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
