Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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