i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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