Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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