RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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