Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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