youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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