You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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