I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize