Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
