he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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