TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize