Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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