mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
