I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
