What did we do last night that was yellow?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have already put on my inside pants.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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