Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
